This week is filled with mixed emotions. My baby sister and younger cousin are graduating from Spaulding High School. My sister has had an amazing past 4 years, playing basketball, soccer, and succeeding in her academics. I am so very proud of her and the woman she is today. My younger cousin Jared, has also had a great past 4 years, but he has no idea that he is graduating and what that means. Jared is autistic and probably the greatest thing about my family. I get teary eyed just writing this blog. I am proud of my sister, but there is something special in my heart for Jared. I remember the times he would throw things out the car window, pinch, and bite. But he's all grown up now. He still acts like a child, but I see a man when I look in his eyes. People look at Jared and under-estamite him. He loves, not through words but through feelings. This is shown when his parents are away on vacation and he anxiously awaits their arrival. Some may say that he is just upset that his routine is changed, but I beg to differ. He misses his family when they leave. It's Jared's random laughter that makes my heart explode with joy. As he looks at his dad across the room waiting for him to tickle him, his smile is priceless. It's the look he gives his mom when she grabs a bite of his food, that makes me thankful to be part of his life. Other families feel bad that we have a family member with a disability, when in reality I feel bad that we have an extra blessing. Don't get me wrong there have been hard times and many tears, but this week is showing me that is all worth it.
Since September of this year, I have had the opportunity to work with Jared every Monday after school. I explained to my mom, that it brings me joy when working with Jared because he reminds me of God. When I was little Jared scared me because of his actions. I got frustrated because I could not understand what Jared wanted. I soon realized that these emotion were directly related to my relationship with God. I was scared of God because He was so big and powerful. I was also frustrated when reading God's word, because I could never figure out how it applied to my life. But Jared really opened my eyes to God and His TRUE character. The more time I spent with Jared the less I was scared of him. While doing things with Jared and getting to know him, I can now say that he doesn't have to use words all the time for me to know what he wants.... Because I know him. And the same thing happened as I spent time in God's word. I was no longer scared in a bad way, but scared in reverence. I don't have to hear direct words from God in order to know what He wants from me. As I spend more time with Him, I believe He will show me what He wants. I know that God and Jared are close. I'm believe that Jared talks to Jesus all the time. There is freedom in Jared's life and because of that, I strive to have more freedom in mine.
If I could talk to Jared in a way that he truly understood, this is what I would say.
Dear Jared,
It's been a crazy ride, but you are graduating on Friday! I am so proud of you. Thanks for all the fun times... I look forward to many more. I know you love me because you joke around with me like Jord and Alex. Only you do it by choosing Jalapeno Poppers for dinner every Monday night, even though I don't like them :) The label special has been placed on you for your disability but believe me special doesn't come close to describing you. You are creative, loving, and funny. I am so blessed to be your cousin. I hope you know how much I love you. My life has been changed for the better because of you. Thanks for being you.
Lots and lots of love,
Morgan
