"Clear skin is sexy skin"
This is the slogan of Proactiv that has haunted me since middle school. The "voice" tells me that it is the truth. My mind is convinced.. but not my heart. Everyone has that one thing that grips their heart and turns their stomach. For me it was my face. I dreaded the mirror every morning just knowing there would be more patches of "pepperoni" as people would say. I am talking about my acne. I just longed to be beautiful. Oh Lord, I don't want to look like this. The "voice" was the hardest part. Sometimes it repeated the voice of my fellow classmate asking if my boyfriend was blind. I will admit writing this hurts, but I know it is necessary to let go. There were many days I just wanted to wear a brown paper bag over my head. I tried every medication out there for acne. I spent all the money I could. I was willing to do anything to become "beautiful". My mom told me repeatedly that she believed God could heal me if I truly believed. For many months I prayed half-heartedly and grew frustrated when I didn't see results. Then it came, I realized there was nothing else I could do but surrender. I laid my pain, my hurt, and my insecurity down at the cross. As the weeks passed, my face began to clear up. I will be honest and say that it never went away completely, but there was a reason for that. I had a reality to accept. I was beautiful. And I still work at reminding myself everyday. It doesn't help that this world is always telling us how we have to look. But I've pushed the world aside to listen to His voice, not the "voice". Because the "voice" turned out to be Satan. All he does is tell me lies and remind me that I am not enough. Well I am enough. I am worth enough that my Savior died on the cross and to this day walks & talks with me everyday. He is my best friend.
Another reason I share this is because I am not perfect. Sadly, I feel like I am on a pedestal. It's things like the Eagle award from my high school or the David E. Ross Christian Leadership award from SPAM Camp that makes me feel this way. So many people look up to me, but I am so flawed. If only you knew I am just like you. I know how it feels to want to hide. When I was at UNH I spent a whole semester avoiding everyone's eye contact. I could not let them see me and my face. I had to hide. I knew that if they looked into my eyes they would see the real, the real insecure me. But I am suppose to be strong all the time. All of my friends come to me. It felt wrong to be hurting or insecure. But I was wrong and God showed me that very quickly. Each and everyone of us has problems. God has shown me that it's alright to be imperfect, because when you are imperfect you are more likely to spend time with others like you.
It is enjoyable for me to reach out to people who are hurting because I am in the same boat as them. I realize that if God had cleared my face completely I would have thought I was all that and would have become a "big shot". But instead, I have just learned to LOVE ME :) I still have acne and I still hide somedays, but I know that I am wonderfully and fearfully made. God has chosen me to shine His love and that is what people are to see when they look at my face.
I am writing this to encourage women of all ages to fall in love with themselves. To repeat myself, I still have bad days just like you. I skip a meal thinking it will get me out of my "fat" jeans. But I have come to the conclusion that if I am healthy and in shape... an extra cookie is well deserved.
Jesus is 100% madly in love with you. He sees you without makeup in your bathrobe with mismatched socks on. Please take some time to listen to this song or read the lyrics below.
Jesus is 100% madly in love with you. He sees you without makeup in your bathrobe with mismatched socks on. Please take some time to listen to this song or read the lyrics below.
"Joy Williams - Hide"
To anyone who hides behind a smile
To anyone who holds their pain inside
To anyone who thinks they're not good enough
To anyone who feels unworthy of love
To anyone who ever closed the door
Closed their eyes and locked themselves away
You don't have to hide
You don't have to hide anymore
You don't have to face this on your own
You don't have to hide anymore
So come out, come out, come out wherever you are
To anyone who's tryin' to cover up their scars
To anyone who's ever made a big mistake
We've all been there, so don't be ashamed
Come out, come out and join the rest of us
You've been alone for way too long
And if you feel like no one understands
Come to the One with scars on His hands
'Cause He knows where you are, where you've been
His scars will heal you if you let Him
Now this is my challenge. Do you know that Jesus loves you and thinks you are beautiful? Are you willing to step out from your hiding spot and trust Him to heal you?? I am stepping out believing that I will continue to know that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. To show you that I am all in... I am posting a picture of myself without any makeup. I am coming out from behind my "mask". (Check out the top right corner of the blog!) I want you to see that I still have pain but I am moving forward and accepting who I am! Please join with me and lets show the REAL "us". If you feel like being bold PLEASE take a picture of the real you and then email it to me (My email is morgan.towle0@gmail.com) and I will post them all to my blog. The question is... Do you think you are beautiful??? Because God sure does and He saying, "Come on my beloved, show them your true beauty". The challenge starts now!!!!
* You can also post the photos yourself!! Just like the Facebook page "Time2believe: You are Beautiful" and post them to the wall :) Either way I will get them!!!
* You can also post the photos yourself!! Just like the Facebook page "Time2believe: You are Beautiful" and post them to the wall :) Either way I will get them!!!
